Long Distance II

I thought battling infidelity will be the most difficult task for a man when faced with the situation of a long distance relationship. Well, for many, it certainly is but as you may know by now I am quite different.

It’s been 58 days since I last held my girlfriend in my arms and to put it in better perspective, I have seen her a total of 12 days in the last 4 months. We do speak periodically over the phone but as the story unfolds, you will later uncover that telephone conversations are more pain than joy.

Akua left for paramilitary training on 31 October last year as part of her recruitment process into the Ghana Revenue Authority. Although I thought the programme was utterly ridiculous given her profession as a lawyer, I supported her endeavour as she has mine in the past. After all, “a happy wife is a happy life”. 

Like many men with the GF away, I had sudden urges to call up the “ex”, “the one that slipped by”, “the naughty slut”, “Ms I’m still interested” and that crash that never went away. Come on fellas you know what I’m talking about, those numbers that you can never seem to delete from your phone book.

Anyway, I have been down this road before so I knew what to do...bury myself in more work and stay focused.   

However, as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months my urge to be promiscuous gradually vanished and in its place became the demon I now call “Cavum”, latin for hollow.

You see, as time passes in a long distance relationship, there is often that loss of connection. Conversations are no longer in sync, you get exhausted feeding off on mere memories, intimacy fizzles out, frustration sets in and sometimes you wonder even if it’s worth staying in touch.

She talks about drills all day, shooting rifles, Scrubbing pantry floors, weeding and bringing up discussions with fellow recruits I don’t give a hoot about. In return, I feed her an exhausting day at the office, deals I couldn't close, money I've lost, issues with my sister and wedding plans that can only remain on paper for the time being.

What happened to our mid-afternoon gossips when you randomly call and we talk about some silly person in your office or a mutual friend that is dealing with heartbreak or some infidelity issue? What happened to our Sunday “cheat days” where we eat pork, sautéed potatoes and garlic bread and pretend the little salad on the side makes it all healthy? Or that moment I walk into the kitchen and grab you from behind and your startled face and that pretty smile was enough communication for the remainder of the day. What happened...I miss you...I miss us.    

So imagine my excitement when March drew closer and all of a sudden that distance between Accra and Kpetoe felt much closer than it has been in the last 4 months. My baby is finally coming home.

Now imagine my frustration when I had to learn that you have to stay for an additional 8 months and your return in March is just for a week. What...the....fuck! I usually don’t cuss so allow me to rephrase that....WTF.

I am sitting here uncertain if I can do a whole year of this. I’m contemplating my capability to flee temptation for another 8 months while at the same time wondering if it was worth deleting all those contacts from my phone book. I am plagued between love, lust, anger and pain and the annoying part is I can’t blame anybody.

So in my frustration I turned on my Samsung tablet and as bored as I am begun to play Ed Sheeran’s all of the Stars. I flipped through my notes trying to find scribbles from my last investor meeting and bury myself further in my work. Then I saw it.

Etched boldly in your “ugly” handwriting were the words you wrote several months ago when you bought me the tablet.....I LOVE YOU AND NEVER FORGET THAT!

Suddenly I have the edge again.

Like the quote from François VI de la Rochefoucault ~ Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle it fans the bonfire.

It’s going to be a tough 8 months and I am still pissed at the idea, but I will rather we have 8 months of incognito love than a lifetime apart. For the hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it. You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough. ~George Moore

Corny as ever but there you have it.....8 months it is.