Sunday, January 10, 2010


I just finished reading a note a friend of mine wrote on facebook and as much as I would have been in agreement with his view if the note was written a couple years back, I am now of a different opinion.

Alvaro Santiago; the pseudonym of this friend of mine, likened all men to managers of a soccer team and as you may already know, the joy of every manager in soccer, is to get the right players with the right attitude to fill those eleven spots on the field. (His words exactly) In his opinion, at any point in time there is always more than one woman in a man’s life and though a manager always has his star player (i.e. his loving girlfriend, wife or that particular girl he wishes to be with) he always gives room for the substitutes, the bench warmers and the reserve team in general (those females popularly referred to as the “on the sides”).

I have lived quite a fruitful youthful life and though am just 24 (the ripe age to be a star soccer player); I believe am passed the stage of juggling several women at a time (trust me; I have had my share of fun).

Contrary to what several ladies have grown to believe that men simply do not have a heart to love or the emotions to stay committed, I beg to differ. It is often the case of immaturity or the fear of a broken heart/ rejection that cause many men to behave like the managers of a soccer team (keeping substitutes).

In my point of view, maintaining a relationship or simply being a “man” is nothing like soccer. Being a man is much more like a game of chess. It takes tact, discipline, self control, strategizing and not necessarily a high IQ but some level of intelligence to play.

In chess, there are two rows to which each player must align his pieces. In my opinion, each row represents the two tiers in a man’s life. There is the first row that is occupied by the pawns and the next which is occupied by more important pieces such as the King and the Queen. Like wise, all men have a period by which they can be the toddlers they often are but then there is that time that we all must grow up.

The pawns are eight in number and by my analysis; each represents three years in the life of a male. In effect, the first tier in every man’s life must last at most 24 years.

Like the pawns, (just as their names suggests) you can spend the first 24 years of your life doing whatever managerial duties u see fit in a soccer team (being the player all men believe they are) or like a seasoned chess player you can spend it strategizing to put the opponent in “check” (i.e. make your relationship a success story). The choice really is yours, am no judge of character.

With Chess, there are many documented strategies on how to win but just like in the case of relationships, none of the literature is a solid principle for success. You need to carve your own path. Like I said earlier, that path requires discipline, self control and being able to sacrifice those pawns skillfully in order to protect yourself (the king) and that special lady (the queen).

Why then will you want to say I love you to one lady and turn around to sleep with the next. Why will you want to have reserves but tell her she is the only one for you and is it not insane that the truth to why we do keep those bench warmers is because we are scared we are going to have our hearts broken if we found out that, we rather were the reserve goalies guarding a post that is being banged with goals from every Tom, Dick and Harry?

My dear brothers, the beauty of a relationship or better yet love or even more chess, is knowing you have put your all in what you believe in. You strive to make it work and you definitely ditch all the reserves for that star player. (A very poor formation, but that one top worked well for Man United when Van Nistelroy was playing) What even makes it more complex is, you will never know the final result, she could be lying, and you could be playing along. But trust me, you wouldn’t want to find out how it feels like when your Fabregas walks away, just because you were poaching Peter Ruffai (we all know how crappy that goal keeper was, letting in all manner of goals).

So my dear brothers, managers, players, chick magnets or whatever names you call yourselves these days, it is not about how many women you juggle at a stretch or how much swag you believe you have by parading a bench of reserves. It is simply about learning to love and fully appreciating what that word means. Do not be a coward or hide behind the cloak of immaturity, make your move, and let it be a CHECK MATE when you find that special one.


  1. True "swag" should be measured in terms of being a man...not by how many reserve players you have warming the bench or by how many strikers you can string along with the intention of maybe buying sometime...i luv this piece..

  2. Luv your comment, I only wish most men will embrace the truth and man up to the task. thanks for Stopping over Anonymous.

  3. hopefully the light bulb will go off in their heads soon