Friday, December 18, 2009

Real Talk

I’ve always been of the opinion that clichés are played out for the reason they usually are. For instance: “What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger”- Scientifically, if a disease doesn’t kill, it is believed that you build immunity to it naturally making you stronger. So similarly, if the weight of a solution doesn’t burden you to death, you’ll learn from it, next time it arises, you’ll be better prepared for it…isn’t that you being stronger?
So it comes as no surprise that our personal relationships [especially when we have to end it], are filled with these so called clichés. So are these clichés played out or real talk?

“We need to talk.” People, this is not a warning sign that we will break up soon, it means we need to talk. Yeah right, we talk all the time but maybe this is more serious than our usual banter so yeah we need to talk! It might be because we’re breaking up…or because my mother thinks my girlfriend’s skirts get shorter and shorter…bottom line, we need to talk…be patient enough to listen.

The classic [my personal favorite] line people use during break ups- “It's not you, it's me”… I do agree that it’s a little played out cuz most of the male species hide behind it all the time[ y’all know what I am talking about] but then genuinely sometimes it’s not you, it’s me! Maybe I need to rethink our relationship, or maybe I need to do some work on myself that I genuinely cannot do with you in the picture or maybe I am just not interested anymore. Whatever the reason is, it really isn’t that so hard to believe?

“I think we would be better off friends” Again, a little played out but I might like you as a person but I am not attracted to you anymore. I do still want you in my life but as a friend. Would you rather I pretended I was still interested and cheated on you? Or would prefer to be in my life as a friend? If you really do “love” me [that’s a whole new topic], wouldn’t you be satisfied being my friend? You can still love me, just as my friend. Or in the case where we’re the closest of friends, I tell you everything but I don’t get excited kissing you anymore, wouldn’t we be better off friends? Asking you to stay friends when you feel strongly about them is unfair to you but the truth hurts sometimes.

“We just grew apart “- Now this is just played out. It is my humble opinion that nobody just grows apart. Puh-lease, the signs were there. You saw them and ignored them. You read the writings on the wall and did nothing; I used to call you five times a day, now you’re lucky if I call once. Hello? That’s a sign! I used to tell you every single detail of my life, we’re having monosyllabic conversations now and you don’t notice? So no, we didn’t just grow apart; it was a process we allowed to happen!!!

“I don’t think I am ready for a commitment”…excuse my French but this is crap! If you’re not ready, let me be. Don’t lead me on and leave me hanging. If I am walking by and you think “oh she’s cute, I want to get with her”, don’t give me the impression that getting with me means a relationship when it means sex. It translates into “Can I waste years and years of your life, while I party and have fun, and drag you along incase I'm bored or lonely?” That is just plain wrong! The only thing good about this line, is that they aren't keeping you on a string, and cheating behind your back, they are giving you the option to walk away, in letting you know they only date to have fun. Use that option!

“You can do better than me/You're too good for me.” Definitely played out! It usually means “I am looking around, because you're not the one.” If you are fed this line, the best thing is to learn from it. This person clearly isn't into you, and doesn't want to look like the bad guy. So they are trying to get out of the relationship as cowardly as possible. So forget about it, just smile sweetly and chalk it up, "Yep, come to mention it, I am too good for you. Thanks for pointing that out to me." Word!!

The penultimate in my opinion, “We need some space/ let's take a break. Simply put:” I want to date other people, but I'd like to keep you around in case it doesn't work out.” Also very played out my friend. Be a man or a woman and end it! You should be wise enough and strong to just let them go. If they are to the point of saying that, chances are that they are already looking for prospects, and you're just going to get hurt if you don't agree with them. There's a good chance they are trying to keep you on a line, in case the other relationship doesn't pan out. If you are breaking up with someone or having a normal basic conversation, just be honest with them, and tell them the truth. Leaving them hanging is, wrong, wrong, wrong. The truth can hurt no matter how you slice it, but it hurts worse when you don't know it. Do them a favour and tell them why, so they have closure and can move on, too. Some real talk!

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